It Never Ends
by Bekken
Summary: Everyone knew Lily Evans had the perfect life. Great grades, supportive family, engaged sister, and to top it all off she was popular. But what if everything wasn't so perfect? What if everything just SUCKED?
1. Prologue

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

Rating: R

Disclaimer: JKR's. Not mine.

Summary: Her father had always hurt her. Unavoidable. But now it's getting too much to bear, and Lily doesn't know who to turn to…that is, until she remembered him.

**__**

Prologue

Lily Evans huddled in the corner of her small room as her father raged, grabbing pictures off her dresser and throwing them to the floor, slamming his fist into the walls, tearing the covers off her bed.

"You little whore!" he raged. "I _saw _you with that boy!"

"Daddy, James is just my friend," she pleaded, but the abusive, drunken man would have none of it. 

"Did I ask you to talk?"

She didn't answer.

"I _said_, did I _ask _you to _talk_?" he half-screamed.

"No, sir," she whispered. He kicked her solidly in the stomach, and Lily doubled over in pain.

"Maybe that'll teach you some manners, girl," he said. Lily did not let any of the tears threatening to overflow onto her cheeks escape – her father hated tears.

"Bitch," he said to her, and grabbed her arm roughly, and hauled her up. "Little slut, doing things with boys! I _forbid _you to see any boys! Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Lily managed to get out.

She noticed her father was unbuttoning his belt. "No, Daddy, _please_," she begged.

He slapped her across the face, and Lily flinched. "Don't argue with me, girl," he screamed. "Maybe a good beating will teach you not to go around with those boys!"

Lily screamed as her father picked her up roughly, and threw face down on the bed.

"Brat," he said, shoving her. She could hear the crack of the belt as he sliced it through the air, and then unbelievable, unexplainable pain seared across her lower back.

She screamed as the leather came into contact with her skin. Her mother watched fearfully from the door. Her sister Petunia was nowhere to be found.

And then the belt came again, sending red hot pain up and down her back. Lily bucked and screamed after each one, but she knew there was nothing she could do.

There was nothing anyone could do…


	2. The Morning After

**__**

Chapter One - The Morning After

"Sweetie," came her mother's voice. "Darling?" Lily opened a bleary eye, and it seemed as soon as she did, pain like fire spread all over her.

She moaned. Her mother handed her a cup of cold water. "Your dad's gone to work," she said.

"What happened?" Lily asked, trying hard to sort things out in her brain. It was hard to think when all she could feel was unbelievable pain.

"Your dad beat you last night, and you passed out," said her mother. And then it all came back to Lily, a flood of memory that made her want to cry.

Lily struggled to take the cup, but found her shaking hands could not grasp it. Her mother gently sat her up, and poured the refreshing liquid down her throat.

"Oh, honey," her mother whispered, huskily. "Oh, my sweet Lily, I'm so sorry. But your dad…he's…"

"In control," Lily filled in. Mrs. Evans nodded.

"I have some salve for the welts on your back," she said. "Lie on your tummy."

Mrs. Evans could barely bear to look at the back of her daughter's nightshirt, ripped, and bloody. She gently rubbed the salve all over Lily's back, Lily crying out in pain whenever her mother touched a sensitive spot.

"Is Petunia okay?" Lily asked.

"Yes, thank God," she said. "She was hiding in the closet, and he didn't find her."

"Where is she?" Lily asked.

"She's out with that Vernon boy. She told me to tell you she hoped you were alright."

Lily smiled. No matter how annoying her sister could be at times – she loved her.

"There," said Mrs. Evans. "All finished."

Lily turned over, and looked at her mother. She sported a black eye and several cuts up and down her face. "Oh dear," said Mrs. Evans. "You'll have to stay in the house until those clear up."

Lily nodded.

"I never got a chance to ask you yesterday, sweetheart, but how was Hogwarts?" asked Mrs. Evans.

"Alright," said Lily, who didn't feel much like talking.

"Well, I'll leave you be," she said. She looked at her daughter for a long time. "By the way," she added. "Your dad threw Angel's cage out the window last night, but Angel escaped unharmed. She's out on the tree. And I brought the cage back up for you."

Lily smiled at her mother.

"And honey," she said. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yes, Mum," she said.

Her mother left, and Lily made her way painfully over to the window, where her small, dark brown owl sat perched on a branch. "Hello, Angel," she said, beckoning for the bird to come back in. Angel flew in through the window, and nibbled Lily's ear affectionately.

"Are you hungry?" Lily asked, petting the animal. It clucked, and Lily placed it in its cage. She refilled the animal's food and water, and pulled out her journal. She began to record the previous night's events – or, at least, what she could remember.

**__**

I hate it when Dad beats me, she wrote. **_It hurts like crazy._**

I know I deserve it – he's always telling me that. And anyway, why would he do it if I didn't deserve it? I can't bear to think that he just…hates me.

Of course he doesn't hate me. He's my father. I love him.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have to say those words just to reassure myself.

Yesterday was awful. I don't think he's ever been that angry. And just because I hugged James and Sirius goodbye! I'm such a terrible daughter. He's told _me not to go around with boys, and what do I do?_

I feel unbelievably guilty. I wish I could make it up to him somehow – maybe if I followed his rules better, the beatings would stop.

Mum doesn't want him to punish me like this – I can tell. But she can't interfere, or he'd beat her _worse than me. And I'd never forgive myself._

I'm so glad Petunia escaped him last night. That's something she was always good at, hiding from him. Maybe I should ask her to give me lessons.

Lily's thoughts were interrupted by a large barn owl flying through her window. "Megara?" she asked the bird. It clucked. Megara held out her leg to Lily, who untied the letter tied to it.

Megara was James' owl. She was a gray barn owl, with a sweet disposition.

She slowly opened the letter. She didn't know when – but at some point in that year, she'd begun to feel…something different for James Potter. Something…more than purely platonic.

He didn't feel the same way about her, she knew. To him, she was just a friend, nothing more.

__

Dear Tiger,

The letter read. Lily smiled. James had called her "Tiger" since their first year – for her temper, and for tiger lilies, he said.

__

Well, it's the morning after we've come home from Hogwarts, and Sirius is staying over at my house. He's still asleep, otherwise he'd probably be trying to steal my quill away and write to you himself.

I must say that I miss Hogwarts. My house doesn't have any _secret passages, so that's no fun._

Well, we're done with fourth year. OWLs next year – SAVE ME!

Lily laughed.

__

Wow, Sirius snores loud.

Anyway, I had a point in writing to you…I know I did…I just can't remember it.

Oh yeah! I was wondering; do you want to come and stay the last month of summer with me? I'm having a house party. Remus already said he'd come, and so did Peter. Jacky's going to be here, so don't worry about being the only girl.

Please?

Lily felt elated for a few seconds, until she realized her father would _never _let her go.

__

Anyway, write me back.

Oh, shit, Sirius is waking up.

Your friend,

James H. Potter

She sighed. She wanted to go – _so _badly. But her father would never let her.

Pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill, she wrote back:

**__**

Dear James,

You poor darling, Sirius is awake. Give him my love.

My first night back was alright. We had a "Family Fun Night" and played board games (Muggle games). It was great getting to see my parents again.

About going to stay the summer with you, I don't know if I can. I don't think my father would be too keen on the idea of my going and staying at a boy's house – even if your twin sister is _going to be there._

I'll ask, but don't expect much.

  
Oh, I have to go. My father took the day off to take us to the zoo to celebrate my being home, and we're leaving now.

Love from,

Tiger Lily

She read the letter over. Did it paint a picture of a "normal" family? She knew James would despise her if he knew…if he knew what was happening.

"Here you go, Meg," she said, tying the letter on to the owl's leg. "Go back to James, okay?"

The owl hooted, and flew out Lily's open window.

"Lily," came her mother's call. "If you're feeling up to it, come down and have some breakfast."

"Coming, Mum," she called, wincing as a sharp pain shot through her back


	3. Dreams

__

disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Two - Dreams

The days passed endlessly for Lily. Sometimes her father would beat her; sometimes he wouldn't.

By the middle of July, Petunia was beginning to make plans to move out and get married. Mr. Evans adored the man she was going to marry, Vernon Dursley. Vernon had always been moderately polite to Lily, but then again, no one had told him the family secret – Lily was a witch.

The day Petunia announced her engagement Mr. Evans stopped beating her. Lily didn't know why, but she was now the main****target for her father's anger. She spent countless hours curled up underneath her bed, only to be dragged out by her irate father.

Sometimes, he would beat her for little things – breaking a glass, opening the cupboard too loudly, things like that. But other times, he gave her harder beatings for big things – writing her friends when he told her not to, spilling juice on his new suit when bringing the pitcher to the table, etc.

The beatings were getting…progressively worse. Sometimes, Lily awoke and felt that she couldn't even breathe with the pain surrounding her. She sported numerous cuts and bruises, and though her mother tried to bandage them, and take care of her, the same spots were hit practically every time.

It seemed like Lily's black eye would never go away. Though it had begun to heal, her father punched her in the same place the next day. Unbelievable pain seared through Lily when he did, and she cried out, earning herself a kick in the stomach.

She knew everything her father did was for her own good…wasn't it?

Thankfully, there had been no more beatings with Mr. Evans' belt since that first night home from Hogwarts. Lily had scars on her back, but they weren't openly bleeding anymore.

She spent the days while her father was at home holed up in her room, because it hurt to move. When he did come home, she'd wait until he called, and do whatever he bid.

If she didn't, she knew the consequences.

Her mother was beaten too, but not nearly as hard. It seemed Mr. Evans had a particular rage against Lily. She barely uttered a word in his presence, fearful of sparking his violent temper.

Lily tried to confide in her mother, and her mother was loving and caring, but was very firm that they just bear it as best they can. Her mother held a belief that a wife was her husband's property, as were his children, and he could do with them as he liked. Lily had been brought up to believe this, and therefore, simply tried to avoid his beatings.

Her father had always been very strict, but never had the beatings been so harsh as they were that summer. And something else was bothering Lily – her father was beginning to leer at her in a most unpleasant way.

She wondered what was going to happen.

She received frequent owls from her friends, most often from James, Jacky, or Remus. She responded to them in secret, as a special punishment, her father had forbidden any communication with them. She tried always to make her letters sound light and cheery, painting a picture of a "normal" family.

She'd write about how her father took her to the museum, when all he did was beat her for breaking an antique. She'd write about how she had stayed up all night talking with her sister, when all Petunia had done was nurse Lily's wounds through the night. She'd write about how her mother had bought her a five hundred dollar necklace, when Mrs. Evans had only given Lily a ring from a cereal box.

Lily dreaded waking up every morning, and she loved going to sleep at night. Sleep was heaven. She didn't feel, she didn't know, all she did was dream. She had lovely dreams, of Hogwarts, of James, and Jacky, and Sirius, and Remus, and Peter.

But sometimes she had horrible nightmares, of her father, of people killing her. And when she woke up, she realized that the nightmares were real.

Lily's thoughts were interrupted by her father banging around downstairs.

"LILY EVANS!" came his voice. She hurried to him.

"Sir?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse. She had spent most of the day crying in her room.

He held up a dead owl. "This thing was outside our window!" he raged. "I _told _you I'd shoot the first owl I saw _near _here!"

Lily gaped at the owl, a bullet hole through its heart. She ached to pet it, to comfort it, but knew she mustn't. The owl wasn't one she recognized; it didn't belong to one of her friends.

"And look," he said, cruelly. "You got a letter."

He held up a large envelope, with the Hogwarts crest on it. Lily reached for it, and he smacked her hand away. Giving her a sardonic smile, he tossed the letter into the fireplace.

Lily gasped. That must have been the letter that contained her school list! What was she going to do without it?

He glared at her. "I _told _you no communication!" he yelled. She felt the lurch in her stomach that warned her that Mr. Evans was going to beat her hard.

"Daddy," she whispered, faintly. "Daddy…please…"

"That's enough out of you!" cried Mr. Evans, slapping her hard across the mouth. "You're a little brat; you know that? A little brat who can't follow rules, but who is going to learn to if I have to beat it into you!"

And with that, he picked her up by her collar, and flung her against the wall. She hit her head, and felt a little dizzy.

Then she saw him unbuckling his belt, and the worst fear she had ever felt spread through her veins like fire.

Petunia and her mother weren't home; no one could stop him. And as he dragged her by the ear to her room, she knew this might be the day she died.

__

But Daddy would never kill_ me…would he?_

She was once again thrown over her bed, face down. Her eyes burned with tears before the first crack of the belt was even heard.

Each time the belt touched her skin, Lily felt like someone was pressing a red hot poker on her back. She screamed out, but no one was there to answer her.

And then she collapsed, sobbing, everything gone out of her. Soon after that, the beating ended. Though it had been much harder than the first beating, Lily had managed to maintain some level of consciousness.

As soon as Mr. Evans had left the room, Angel hooted. Lily dragged herself over to the owl, and wrote, simply, on a piece of parchment:

**__**

Help.

She shed a single tear on the parchment, smearing the ink. She struggled to tie the letter to the owl's leg, but Angel hooted and took the piece of parchment in her mouth.

"James," Lily whispered to it, and stayed conscious only long enough to see the owl fly out the window, and into the night sky.

***

****

"Lily? Lily, sweetheart, wake up," came her mother's voice, awakening Lily from a night of fitful nightmares. When she awoke, she found she was not in her warm bed, but instead, lying on her stomach on the hardwood floors.

"Oh, Lily, are you alright?" asked Mrs. Evans. "What did he do to you?"

"Beat me," Lily managed to say. "He beat me."

But she was dizzy, and her vision was not focused. She blinked, but her head wouldn't clear.

__

I wonder if James got my owl, was her last thought before slipping back out of consciousness.

***

****

She was on some sort of island, she knew, but not a warm, sunny one. The wind was whipping around her, and she could see no sand, but only jagged rocks, and endless water. She watched as a boy, about her own age, with black hair and round glasses, came out of a small cabin.

Who was he? He looked very familiar. 

__

James, she thought. _It's James._

She ran to embrace him, but he didn't see her. Instead, he looked past her, at the sky.

And then a small, brown owl flew to him, and suddenly Lily knew who it was. "Angel," she said aloud, but she seemed to be invisible, for they paid her no mind.

"Hi, Angel," James said, roughly petting the owl's head. Without wasting a second, Angel pushed a piece of parchment into James' hand.

He looked at it for a second, confused. "Is this from Lily?" he asked the owl, and Angel nodded her assent.

"Is she in trouble?" was his next question.

Is she in trouble…trouble…trouble…

***

****

Her head hurt. She didn't know what else was going on, but she knew her head hurt. Above her, she could hear her mother and sister talking, and she struggled to answer them, but found her eyes would not open, nor would her lips form words.

"We've got to do something," came Petunia's voice, from very, very far away.

"Petty, you know your father is…" Mrs. Evans trailed off helplessly.

"I know he almost killed her!" Petunia said, indignantly. "Mum, we _have _to tell someone. What if he actually…" And she stopped, not wanting to speak the terrible words.

"Petunia, your father is your father," said Mrs. Evans, sternly. She sighed. "No matter how wrong we think what he is doing is, _he _has the authority. Not us."

"But, Mum…" Petunia began.

Mrs. Evans said, in a tired voice to her daughter, "Please, Petunia. Not now. Let's just look after your sister."

And she was being rolled onto her stomach again, and salve being rubbed on her back. Some of the pain was receding now…

To her surprise, Lily managed to lift her head. "Mum?" she called weakly.

In an instant, Mrs. Evans and Petunia were there. "Lily, you're awake," Mrs. Evans said, compassionately. "You are going to have to be careful around him from now on; he almost…"

But she said no more, and instead continued applying the salve to Lily's sore back.

"Mum?" said Lily, quietly. "Why does he do these things? Does he…does he hate me?"

"Oh, Lily," said Mrs. Evans, coming to her daughter. She cupped Lily's face in her hands. "Daddy doesn't hate you, he just…doesn't know he hurts you."

"Mum, we _have _to do something," Petunia's shrill voice interrupted. "I will _not _stand by and watch my little sister be beaten, and possibly _killed_!"

Mrs. Evans rubbed her forehead. "I agree your father is quite angry with Lily this summer," she said, quietly. "Perhaps if we could send you away, Lily…where he can't hurt you…"

Petunia smiled, and Lily felt too weak to do much of anything at all.

"Have you any friends at Hogwarts that would take you for the end of the summer? Any at all?"

"James," Lily said quietly. "James invited me to his house for the end of the summer. James and Jacky."

Mrs. Evans smiled. "That's settled then," she said.

"What about Daddy?" asked Petunia. "Will he let her?"

"I'll speak to him," Mrs. Evans said. "He will," she reassured to two. She left the room, to make breakfast, and Petunia sat down on Lily's bed.

"Lily," she said, quietly. "When Mum and I came home…and you were lying in a bloody heap on the floor…oh, Lily, it was the scariest thing I've ever seen! I just clutched at Mum! And we tried to put you on your bed, but Daddy came in, and told us both to go to sleep." She looked at her little sister. "Oh, Lily, are you sure you're alright?"

Lily managed a smile. "I'll be fine," she said.

"Good," said Petunia. "I can't imagine what I'd do if I didn't have you and Mum…and Vernon," she added hastily.

"Of course," Lily teased. "Vernon, the driller."

"He is not a…_driller_!" Petunia said, indignantly. "He is just learning the business! His father owns a very successful company, and it's going to be his one day!"

"Sure, sure," Lily laughed, something she had hardly done all summer.

Petunia smiled, and ruffled her hair. "I'm glad you're my sister," she said, leaving the room.

Once she was gone, Lily picked up a quill, and began to write a letter to James' twin, Jacky.

**__**

Dear Jacky,

Guess what! My dad wasn't going to let me go to your house, but Mum's promised to talk to him! She says I'll probably be able to go. I'll owl you right away if I can.

Things have been pretty good around here, lately. My mum and my sister went shopping yesterday, but I stayed home – you know how I hate that kind of thing. And Petunia's getting married in September. I can't be there – Mum and Dad don't want me to miss school – but she's promised to send me a piece of the wedding cake and everything!

I'm so excited. I can't wait until my father gets home, so Mum can talk to him. I hope he'll say yes.

I'm guessing Sirius is there – is he always _there, Jacky? And don't pretend you don't like it._

Well, tell everybody hi, and give them my love. I have to go – Mum's taking us to the library.

Love from,

Lily Evans / Tiger Lily for James, if he's reading over your shoulder

Lily put her quill down, and looked around for Angel. Then she remembered – she had sent Angel off last night! Oh well, this could wait, and Angel was sure to be back soon.

Lily yawned, and put the parchment away for safe keeping.

She went downstairs, a little gingerly, if truth be told, for she had twisted her ankle coming down the stairs the night before.

"Lily, darling," said her mother, smiling. "You didn't get breakfast yet, so I made you some porridge." Mrs. Evans set the steaming hot bowl in front of her youngest daughter. "Petunia and I have to go out, but I can understand if you don't want to be alone. Do you want to come with us?"

Lily shook her head. "I think I'll be fine. Daddy's not coming home until later, and you'll be back by then, right, Mum?"

"Of course," said her mother, smiling. She grabbed her purse from the table. "And, honey," she added, "Your father…he really does love you, you know. He's just…he just isn't sure how to show it."

Lily nodded. She knew her father loved her. He had to. He was her _father_.

"'Bye, Lily!" Petunia called, as she left. "I'll show you the fabrics we pick out for my gown when I get back!"

She heard the door slam behind them, and took another bite of her steaming porridge. It was so hot…and so good…it filled her with warmth, and made her feel sleepy…

***

****

James looked at his mother in dismay. "But, Mum…" he pleaded.

__

Where am I? Lily thought to herself. She looked around the small cabin. She saw James, Jacky, and what looked like their mother. Angel was nibbling on an owl treat in the corner.

"James?" she asked. Nobody even looked her way. "Can anybody hear me?"

There was no response.

"_Mum_," James pleaded. "I think Lily's in trouble; I really do!"

"Don't be ridiculous, James; your friend is fine."

"But the owl…" Jacky interrupted.

"…Probably meant nothing," their mother said.

"No! It didn't!" Lily screamed, but no one could hear her…

***

__

author's notes: Well? Review!


	4. Escape

__

disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Three – Escape

The next thing Lily knew, she was being shaken awake.

"Girl!" came her father's rough voice. "What is all this?" He gestured to the table, with an upset salt shaker, and overturned porridge bowl.

"I…I…" Lily stammered. "I thought you weren't going to be home…"

"I got here early, not that it's any of your damn business," Mr. Evans growled. "Like I said, _what _is this mess?"

"I…I'll clean it up," Lily murmured.

"Damn right," said Mr. Evans, taking a swig from his beer bottle. He knocked her upside the head.

Trembling, she started to put away the dishes on the table, her father grunting every now and then as he watched her. Finally, she was done.

"I see a spot on the table," her father slurred.

Lily looked. "I…I don't see anything," she said.

"Are you _arguing _with me, you little brat?" he asked, shoving her to the floor. She looked down.

He kicked her in the stomach, hard. She let out a cry of pain, and he kicked her again.

"Bitch," he whispered. He hauled her to her feet, and threw a punch at her left eye, hitting it square on.

She moaned with pain. She saw his closed fist rise again, but as it was about to come down, the doorbell rang. Dropping her to the floor like a rag doll, he said, fiercely, "Get under the couch!"

"W-what?" Lily asked, still trying to get her bearings.

With a might kick, he shoved Lily underneath the couch.

Trembling under the couch, she heard the door open, and his grunts. She heard a woman's voice, but more than two pairs of footsteps were coming into the living room. From under the couch, she recognized her father's beat up hiking boots. The woman was in heels, and the other two…were those _robes_?

She almost cried out with joy, but stopped herself in time. There was no telling what her father would do.

"Well, we were just wondering," said the woman, pleasantly. "My son got a disturbing letter from her, and we wanted to make sure everything was all right."

"It's fine," said Mr. Evans, with a hint of a slur in his voice. "She's gone out, but I'm sure she'll be upset to have missed you."

The woman's foot tapped, and all of them sat on the couch. Lily groaned as the weight was pressed into her.

Unfortunately, someone up there must have heard her.

"What's that?" the woman asked sharply.

She saw a hand go down to the couch curtain cover, and she squeezed her eyes tight.

Then she heard a very familiar voice.

"_Lily_?"

Without even thinking, she opened her eyes. "J-James?" she asked.

"Oh my God," James said. "Oh my _god_."

"_Mr._ Evans," came the woman's voice. "What is the meaning of this?"

"You don't understand," Lily's father was saying frantically. "It's very complicated, it…"

Lily felt strong arms helping her out, and heard gasps when both Jacky, and who Lily assumed to be Mrs. Potter saw her.

"L-Lily?" asked Jacky, her voice trembling.

"Oh dear," said Mrs. Potter. "Oh, my dear. We need to get you out of here; Lily; and right away."

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Evans asked, and Lily winced as he fixed her with a glare. He grabbed her arm roughly. "This brat isn't going anywhere."

"Oh, yes, she is," said Mrs. Potter, taking Lily back. "Are you the one that did…_this_?" She gestured to Lily's numerous cuts and bruises.

"Of _course _not," said Mr. Evans. "It's not my fault the brat needs special discipline only I know how to implement."

Mrs. Potter seemed struck speechless for a moment. "Come on, Lily," she said. Taking Lily by the hand, she led her out of the room, James and Jacky following.

"Wait a minute!" Mr. Evans raged. "That's my kid you're leaving with! Get back here, Lily!"

Lily looked frantically from her father to Mrs. Potter.

"That child is never going to be with you again, as far as I'm concerned," Mrs. Potter said. "Lily, go get your things."

"_Lily_," Mr. Evans said, and Lily saw the familiar gleam in his eyes. A well of dread built up in her stomach, and she began to cry. "Please," she whispered. "Please don't."

"See what you've done?" came Mrs. Potter's angry voice.

"_I _haven't done anything," said Mr. Evans, and he glared at all of them. "You'll all be very sorry," he raged. Mrs. Potter Summoned Lily's belongings from her room. "Oh no," she said sternly. "I think _you'll _be very sorry."

She led the three children out of the room, her arm protectively around Lily. She glanced back once, to see her father at the front door, rage in his eyes.

"This isn't over!" he screamed. "I'll get you back, brat! If it's the last thing I do, I swear it!"

Lily trembled, and fainted.

***

****

"Lily? Lily?" She heard her name being called, and her cheek being slapped gently. She tried to open her eyes but found she was quite unable to.

She made a sort of groaning sound.

"Mum, I think she's waking up," came a voice.

"Oh dear," came another voice. "There's so much to be done. We need to inform the Ministry straight away – Jacky, run and get your father's owl for me. Zeus is the quickest out of all our owls."

Lily tried to say something, but the words were garbled in her mouth. She opened her eye a crack and saw an anxious James and Mrs. Potter standing over her.

"Lie back, dear," Mrs. Potter instructed. "You've had a terrible shock."

Then it all came back to Lily – the beatings, leaving her angry father. With strength she didn't know she possessed, she managed to bolt up in bed.

"Oh my gosh!" she cried. "I have to get home."

"Shh…" Mrs. Potter soothed.

"No, you don't understand!" she cried. "He hates it when I'm late; I'll be in so much trouble; I…"

"Lily," James said, but she paid no attention.

"And you don't know what he'll _do_! I have to get home, Mrs. Potter! Please!"

"_Lily_," James said again. This time she looked at him. "You're not going back to that hell hole."

"James!" Mrs. Potter exclaimed.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. "I mean that…place. You're not going back there. Ever."

Lily whimpered. "You don't understand…"

"Oh, darling," said Mrs. Potter, hugging the little girl. "We do understand. Don't worry; your father is never going to hurt you again."

And this is when the flood of tears broke loose from Lily, tears that had been for all those years held back. At first, when she felt them running down her face, she tried to blink them back. She found it was impossible.

"He'll kill me…" she sobbed. "He really will; I need to get home."

Mrs. Potter held Lily closer, but James hung back looking nervous. Just then, Jacky came running into the room.

"Oh, Lily," she said dropping the quill and parchment she was holding. She ran to her friend and started rubbing her shoulders.

"James," said Mrs. Potter sharply. "I need you to go to the kitchen cabinet and get my Dreamless Sleep potion."

James nodded shakily, and through her tears, Lily could see him leaving the room.

"He'll kill me…" she whispered. But just then, James returned with the potion, and Lily was soon fast asleep, her eyes still wet with tears.

***

****

She awoke in a light airy room. It was empty, and Lily could see streams of sunlight coming in through the window. She sat up in bed, and wondered where she was.

"Lily!" exclaimed Mrs. Potter, coming in. "You're awake!"

"Did I sleep long?" she asked.

"Through the night," Mrs. Potter replied. "We gave you the potion around three in the afternoon."

Fear suddenly seized Lily's heart. "Oh no – Mrs. Potter! My father-"

"Is never going to come near you again, if I have anything to say about it," said Mrs. Potter firmly.

"I have to go back," Lily said helplessly.

"Back?" said James, coming into the room. "Back to that _monster_?"

"He's not a monster!" Lily said desperately. "He's my father!"

"Shh, shh," Mrs. Potter soothed. "Lily, you don't deserve that kind of treatment-"

"Yes I do!" Lily cried out. "Yes, I do! It's all my fault; and I deserve it!"

"Oh, dear," said Mrs. Potter. "Lily, no one deserves that."

"You don't understand," Lily cried. "He loves me…I know he does! He has to…he's my father! It's just that money's tight, and he's stressed out, and-"

"Whatever is going on does _not _give him an excuse to hit you," said Mrs. Potter.

"I'm his _daughter_!" Lily cried out. "I belong to _him_! He can do what he wants to me; and I know I deserve it! He's told me that a thousand times!"

"You belong to _yourself_, Lily," said Mrs. Potter.

Lily didn't answer; she just looked at the ground, the fight gone out of her.

***

****

"Lily?" asked Jacky cautiously, coming into the room.

"Yeah, Jacky?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Those were all the words needed between the two friends, and they embraced. Lily began to cry into Jacky's shoulder, and Jacky patted her back sympathetically.

"I'm not okay…" Lily sobbed. "I'm not…"

"I know," Jacky whispered feeling a tear escape her own eye. "I know you're not."

After a few minutes of crying and hugging, Lily stepped back and stared at Jacky with red eyes.

"You must think I'm a baby," she said in a shaky voice, a hint of a smile coming on to her face. "For getting your robes all wet; I mean."

"Not at all," said Jacky, wiping her own eyes. Lily sat on the bed and hugged her knees, and Jacky sat next to her.

"Was it…really bad?" Jacky asked, looking at Lily's purple eye. Then she clapped a hand over her mouth. "I shouldn't be asking you things like that."

"It's okay," said Lily. "It was bad, Jacky. It was really, really bad."

"Oh, Lils," said Jacky.

Lily began to cry again. "I don't understand…" she said. "Why does he hate me?" She realized what she had said. "My father hates me," she said brokenly.

Jacky didn't know how to respond, so she just held her friend close and wondered what to do.

***

__

Author's Notes: I have up to chapter five written in this story, so those will go pretty fast. After that – who knows? I'm planning on this being long, though. What do you think so far? Good? Bad? Review – PLEASE. Flames will be used to light my fire.


	5. The Runaway

__

disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Four – The Runaway

****

Time seemed never ending to Lily, who every day begged to go home. Make no mistake, Mrs. Potter was wonderfully nice. Mrs. Potter had even brought Angel, and the owl was sleeping in Lily's room. James and Jacky were great. Mr. Potter hadn't come home yet, but she had heard only heard good things about him. And it wasn't that she wanted to be beaten again – though she was very scared her father might find her and hurt her – but she was afraid of what he might do to her mother and Petunia when she was gone.

She wanted to say something – to _scream _that if she didn't go home, her mother would be hurt worse. But her mother wouldn't have wanted that. Her mother loved her father, and he loved her. She'd hate if the authorities intervened on her benefits.

__

Maybe she's alright, Lily told herself. _And Petty's gone on that trip to Hawaii with Vernon's family._

But she grew increasingly worried.

Things were starting to happen – inquiries about all sorts of things that she knew she would be in trouble for letting come out.

Plain and simple, Lily was scared. Jacky and James were tiptoeing around her – as if she was a fragile vase they might break. Mrs. Potter was being very nice, but Lily ached for her own mother, for her own room.

And it was when she voiced these things to Mrs. Potter that Mrs. Potter decided she needed _the counselor_. The counselor in London.

***

****

"Next," came an irritated voice.

Mrs. Potter put her arm around Lily and led her into the counselor's office.

"Are you the legal guardian?" the counselor asked boredly.

"I have been granted guardianship by the Ministry of Magic until such time as Lily is able to be returned to her mother," Mrs. Potter said. Lily gaped at her. This was she first she had heard of that!

"Go see the receptionist," the counselor directed her. "She'll give you forms to fill out."

Mrs. Potter left the room, giving Lily a comforting pat on the back.

The counselor reached his hand across the table. "I am Mr. Edwards. And you are Lila, I presume."

"Lily," she corrected softly.

"Exactly. Pleased to meet you. Down to business now."

Lily just stared at him. His hands were folded in his lap, and his quill was moving furiously across the page.

"What are you writing?" she asked bluntly.

The quill moved faster. "Don't mind that," he said. "Just tell me about yourself."

"Er…" said Lily. "Well, I go to Hogwarts."

"Interesting," said Mr. Edwards in the sort of tone grown-ups use when they are not very interested at all. "What year?"

"I'm going to be a fifth year."

"I see."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. "Er…am I supposed to say something?" Lily asked. She fidgeted.

"That depends," said Mr. Edwards. "You're not _supposed _to do anything. Do you _want _to talk?"

"I…I…"

"Tell me about your father, Lily."

Lily's eyes grew wide.

"Does he love you? Is he nice? Why do you think he beat you?"

Lily looked from him to the ground, then turned tail and fled out of the room. She ran out of the office, down the stairs and into the street. She didn't know why she was running, but she knew it was important to _just keep going_.

Tears blinded her vision as she passed person after person, all giving her funny looks. Her legs ached and she couldn't breathe, but she didn't stop running.

Finally, she came to a halt, at a park bench.

Little children were playing on the play structures. One little girl with red swinging braids fell off the slide and began to wail. She was scooped up by (Lily assumed) her father. He was a round, jolly man. He tickled her, and put a bandage on her skinned knee. Then he kissed her knee, and sent her off to play again.

Lily closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to watch this anymore.

__

Go back, part of her brain was telling her. _This is insane, Lily. Go back and act mature._

But a bigger, stronger part of her was telling her no, just stay there, pretend that none of it's happening.

And the stronger part won.

***

****

It was cold. The air was an aching, freezing cold. Lily huddled in the play structure, her arms wrapped around her knees. The little children from the day had long since gone home – when it had started to rain.

Lily couldn't go home. She didn't have a home to go to.

She didn't know how long she had been here. It had been dark, light, everything. She wasn't thinking about the days. She spent her time sobbing.

The icy wind bit into her, soaking her even though she was under the play structure. It seemed much too cold for a midsummer storm.

She couldn't feel her ears any more, and she kept her eyes shut, for if she didn't the rain would drive into them to.

__

Think of warm things, she told herself. _Hot chocolate. Fires. Sheets the house elves have warmed._

But that only made it worse. Lily pulled her knees in closer, trying to maximize the amount of heat she could retain. Her teeth were chattering and her hair stuck to the back of her neck, covered in cold rain.

She didn't know how she was going to sleep tonight.

***

****

James was the first thing she saw. He was coming into the room, a bowl of hot soup in his hands.

The minute he saw Lily's eyes open, he put it down and put his hands on his hips, quite the picture of his mother. Lily wanted to laugh, but thought she mustn't because he looked so fierce.

"Lily Diana Evans!" he said, and for a minute he did sound so much like a middle-aged woman that Lily smiled. He dropped his hands from his hips, and he still looked very fierce. "You have no idea how angry I am at you."

He brought the soup over to her bed, and she tried to sit up to eat it but she couldn't. James took a spoonful out and fed her, bite by bite.

"Lily," he said. "Why did you run away?"

She swallowed. "I was so scared James; you have no idea."

"I do have an idea," he said softly. "We were so scared when Mum turned up in the fireplace and said you were missing. _Missing_, Lily! We didn't know if your dad had taken you, if you had committed suicide, or what."

Lily dropped her eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you, James," she said. "I didn't mean to scare anybody. I just wanted to get away…to shut it all out."

James ruffled her hair and pulled her into a careful hug. "I know," he said. "But next time, at least tell me, okay?" He rolled his head to the side and gave her a puppy dog face. Lily _did _laugh.

"LILY!" came Jacky's excited squeal. "You're up!" She threw herself on top of her friend and smothered her in a hug. Then she glared at her. "I hate you," she said matter-of-factly.

"Jacky," said Lily. "I'm sorry; I really am!"

Jacky grinned at her. "'Course you are," she said. She hugged Lily again. "You have no idea how scared James and I were," she said. "After Mum told us, we just sat staring at the fire for ten minutes."

Lily felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She had never meant to make her friends worry. She had just wanted to get away…away from it all, all the mess, all the hurt.

"I don't blame you from running away from that counselor," James said grinning. "I did too, when Mum dragged me there when she thought I had an anxiety problem. But I wasn't gone for _two days_!"

"Two days?" Lily gaped.

"Two and a half, really," said Jacky. "We just brought you home three hours ago."

"You were sleeping," said James.

"W-what happened?" asked Lily in a shaky tone.

"Well," said Jacky, "You were found early this morning under the play structure, asleep, by those Muggle…Muggle…Muggle…" She struggled for the word. "Muggle please-men," she said. "They tried to wake you up; but you wouldn't budge. Then they took you back to their station, or whatever they call it."

"You were still asleep," James said. "They couldn't wake you; not at all. Dumbledore found out you were there and told Mum. She went and got you."

Lily stared at them. And then she began to cry.

"I'm sorry," she blubbered. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm such a bad person."

James looked quite uncomfortable, but Jacky was patting Lily's back. "You're not a bad person," she said.

"Yes, I am; yes, I am!" Lily cried. "I'm a terrible god-awful person, and I ought to be…I ought to be put back with my father!"

James' eyes widened at this. "No you shouldn't Lily," he said quite forcefully. "Mum's making an inquiry. Believe me, you're _never _going to go back to him."

Lily sobbed even harder, turning over and burying her face in the pillow. Jacky and James crept out of the room.

Soon afterwards, Lily emerged with red rimmed eyes. "Thank you," she said, though her voice was little more than a whisper. "Thank you…for everything."

And they hugged her.

***

****

It was nearing the end of July, and all the rest of James and Jacky's friends were due to arrive at their home, The Oaks, in a week. Lily was rather enjoying her time with the Potters, though perhaps not as much as she would under other circumstances.

She came to know Mrs. Potter as a nice woman, who tried perhaps a bit too hard. She meant well, and that was all that counted. She had a great talent in the kitchen, and couldn't bear house elves, so though the Potters were certainly rich enough, they had no servants.

She also met Mr. Potter, who insisted on being called Luke. He was a round, jolly man and liked to laugh. He teased his kids endlessly, and the gleam in his eye was exactly the same sort of gleam James got when pranking an unsuspecting victim. Luke rather fascinated Lily. He was very physical with his kids, giving huge bear hugs, and pounding them on the back when he was proud. Lily had never known this sort of kindness in a man. She was quite nervous around him.

__

James and Jacky don't know how lucky they are, she thought to herself often.

She was more withdrawn than she had been, and still shied away from physical contact with anyone but James and Jacky, and then it was only hugs. When someone would raise a hand to pat her head, she'd flinch expecting a blow.

She was quieter than before, and didn't run and romp like she used to. But everyone knew it was only to be expected, and granted a certain lenience in her case.

Sirius came over often – the first time he had come (well, that Lily had seen him – he had visited when she had been sleeping when they had first brought her back) he glared daggers at her and said, "Don't ever scare me like that again!" Then, when Lily looked astonished, he collapsed laughing on the floor.

Lily didn't laugh as much, and was quite a solemn girl. She didn't ask to go home anymore, and she didn't want to. She was beginning to doubt in her mind whether she _had _deserved all those punishments and beatings. Maybe…just maybe…maybe it wasn't all her fault.

***

****

"Hello, James," said an unruffled Remus. He had just arrived by Floo Powder, and been pounced on by James, being knocked to the floor. Sirius was coming to stay the following day. He got up, dusted himself off, and hugged both Lily and Jacky.

James chattered excitedly to Remus, oblivious to both Jacky and Lily. "Let's go," Jacky laughed. "It's obvious we're not wanted."

Lily followed her friend upstairs, and they both sat on Jacky's bed.

She liked Jacky's room, she thought. It was pale lavender-blue, and had framed paintings on the wall. In the corner, on her white desk, were photos of Hogwarts, Lily, Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter. There were also some photos of people Lily had never met – Jacky's "cousin in America", her pen friend at Beauxbatons, and other people of that sort. There was a picture of Luke and Mrs. Potter on their wedding day – and Mrs. Potter was strikingly beautiful, with her brown hair in ringlets around her face and her veil thrown back.

Lily especially liked Jacky's bedspread – a quilt of purples and blues, with a white headboard. She had a white wooden nightstand next to her bed, and a white bookshelf filled with mostly magazines and trinkets.

"Lily…Lily…" Jacky's voice brought the fifteen year old back to the present. "Are you in there?"

Lily looked up, startled. "Er…" she said.

***

__

author's notes: What do you think so far? I'm waiting for some flames, but haven't gotten any. Oh well. I'm sure they're on their way. I guess we find out that Mr. and Mrs. Potter are not all that they seem in this chapter, hmm? I plan to expound on that (expound – English vocabulary word! I actually found a use for one of those!) Thanks for the reviews! I had no idea I'd get such great feedback on this story! To answer reviewers' questions: 1)You're right, Dumbledore can sense when a student is in trouble. But it is my belief that he can't sense it unless the person is in (as the Weasley clock puts it) "mortal peril". Lily was never in danger of being killed _by her dad, just in a lot of pain. That's why he didn't know what was happening. 2) It is the summer between Lily's fourth and fifth years in this fic. 3) No, Lily will not get a makeover and go from "nerd" to "popular". 4) Yes, I will continue._

Well…now you can review…*Grins like a maniac*


	6. Writing Letters

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disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Five – Writing Letters

Jacky grinned at her. "I've only been calling you for the past five minutes," she said. "But that's okay. Float back off into Lily-World."

Lily shook her head to clear her thoughts, and said, "Sorry."

"So."

"So."

"Jacky, I want to write my mum."

Jacky, who had been fingering her bedspread, looked up, a startled expression on her face. "What?" she asked.

"I want to write my mum. And I want you to help me."

Jacky stared at her for a few moments. Then, she uttered a single syllable. "Why?"

"I want her to know that I'm safe-" Lily's chin trembled. "I want her to know I love her, and I want to tell her I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lily," said Jacky, coming over to her friend. "You don't need to be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"Yes, there is," said Lily. "Can you help me, Jacky?"

"Of course I'll help you," said Jacky. "Let's do it now."

She went to her desk and pulled out a quill, parchment, and ink.

**__**

Dear Mum,

I miss you.

"Tell her you're all right," Jacky directed.

**__**

I'm staying with the Potters – the people I told you about – and I'm fine. I wanted you to know that.

Lily looked to Jacky for guidance, but Jacky's face was blank. So, she closed her eyes to push back the tears, and wrote again:

**__**

Oh, Mum, I miss you so _much. The Potters are wonderful, but I wish I could see you. Is everyone okay? Is Petty's wedding going well? I want to see you Mum, but Mrs. Potter says I can't; the Ministry of Magic won't allow it._

Mum, why _did you let them take me away from you._

I'm sorry, Mum. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry a hundred times! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to get you or Daddy in trouble! Tell Daddy, Mum. Tell him I didn't mean to. Tell him I still love him.

Mum – Mrs. Potter says I might not be able to come back to you. Oh, Mummy, I miss you so much. I want to come back, but I don't want Daddy to beat me anymore.

With all my heart,

Your daughter,

Lily Evans

Tears blotted the piece of parchment, and the ink ran. Lily didn't care; however, and blew on it so that it would dry faster. Then she handed it to Jacky to read. By the end, Jacky had tears in her eyes too.

"It's perfect," Jacky pronounced. "Send it."

Lily carefully folded the letter, and wrote in her very best script:

**__**

Mrs. Rose Evans

Then she tied the letter to Angel's leg, and Angel flew off out the window.

Jacky regarded her friend cautiously. "Are you alright, Lily?"

Lily managed a watery smile. "Yeah," she said. "Alright enough, I suppose."

Just then there was a knock at the door. Lily swiped at her eyes, and Jacky shouted, "Come in!"

In waltzed James and Remus. They looked tired.

"Probably been wrestling, or some other strange thing boys do," Jacky whispered to Lily. Lily grinned.

James plopped on Jacky's bed. "I want to borrow your owl," he said.

"Why?" asked Jacky, "You've got Meg."

"Meg's off delivering a letter to Peter, and I have to send Sirius a letter _now_!" said James impatiently.

"Well," said Jacky. "Too bad, because I'm not going to lend you Affro. Last time I let you borrow her, you kept her two whole weeks."

"I won't do that this time," James pleaded. "Just let me borrow Aphrodite, _please_, Jack."

"Don't call me Jack," Jacky yelled, but she was getting up and opening Affro's cage anyway.

"Come here, Deity," she cooed. She held the little owl in her hands, and transferred her to James. "Be careful," she warned.

"Thanks," he said. "And you wouldn't happen to have any lacewings on hand, would you?"

"No," said Jacky slowly. "Why would you need lacewings?"

James looked extremely uncomfortable, as did Remus. "Er…no reason…I'll just get them at Diagon Alley."

He and Remus made a quick exit.

"Wonder what that was all about," Jacky said, looking at the spot they had just left.

Lily shrugged. "Probably about some prank."

***

****

"It's so nice to have James' friends come and stay with us," Mrs. Potter cooed that evening. Remus and Lily both blushed.

"I don't mean to be a bother, Mrs. Potter-" Remus began.

"No, no, of course not," said Mrs. Potter. "You're the opposite of a bother."

Luke grunted. "It's nice to have this house full of kids," he said, grinning. He gave Jacky a playful push. Then he turned to his wife. "Always thought we should've had more."

Mrs. Potter looked angry. "You are not going to bring that up at the dinner table, Luke."

"And why not, Rebecca? If you weren't so preoccupied about-"

"Enough!" said Mrs. Potter angrily. "We don't need to discuss this in front of the children." She glared daggers at Luke.

Dinner after that was a very uncomfortable affair. Mr. and Mrs. Potter avoided each other's eyes, and didn't speak to each other unless absolutely necessary. James and Jacky were rather subdued, and Lily was subdued anyway. Remus just followed their lead.

Afterwards, Remus caught Lily alone on the stairs, and pulled her into a tight hug. "I heard what happened, Lils," he said. Lily felt her eyes tear up, but blinked rapidly. "I'm sorry," Remus said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Lily didn't say anything, just sank down until she was sitting on the stairs with her head in her arms.

"Remus?" she asked. "Can we talk?"

Remus took her by the arm and helped her up. "'Course we can talk, Lils," he said. "We can always talk."

"No…" she said. "I mean…you, me, James, and Jacky…"

Remus nodded. "Yeah," he said. "We can talk."

"When?"

"Tonight. I'll make sure."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Lily."

***

****

That night, Lily crept into James' room. She felt a bubble of nervousness in her stomach – what if Mrs. Potter caught them? She knew it wouldn't reflect kindly on either her, or Jacky, being in a room with two boys at the dead of night.

In her hand, she clutched a brown, leather bound book, and she brushed her hair out of her eyes. Knocking softly, she pushed open the door.

  
Jacky, Remus, and James were already in there, in deep conversation. They stopped as soon as Lily came in, giving her the distinct impression that they had been talking about _her_.

"Hi," she said softly.

James patted the floor next to him, and Lily sat down. She began in a shaky voice. "I wanted to talk to you guys…" she said quietly. "I wanted to tell you what happened."

"Only if you're ready," said Remus quickly.

Lily shook her head. "I'm not ready," she replied. "I'm never going to be ready. But I have to talk. I need to talk."

The group was somewhat silent as Lily thumbed for her page in the leather bound book. "I'm going to read this to you," she said. "I want you to tell me if – if…" Her voice broke. "If it was my fault."

She gazed down unseeingly at the page for a few seconds, then said, "This was when I was ten. The year…the year before I started Hogwarts."

Jacky offered a comforting hand to her friend.

"_March 26,_" Lily read aloud in a trembling voice.

"_Dear Diary,_

"_Something strange happened today, and I'm not sure if I quite know how to explain it. I don't really understand. I was waiting up for Daddy – he's been coming home late recently – and it was really, really late._

"_Finally, Daddy came in the door. He was walking and talking funny, and his breath smelled weird. Mummy told me to stay away from him, but I didn't listen. I went up to him. 'Daddy?' I asked. 'What's wrong?'_

"_He told me to go away. Daddy's never told me to go away before; I don't know why he did._

"_'Daddy?' I tried again. 'Daddy, what's happened? You can tell me.'_

"_He stood up and smacked me across the mouth. He'd never done anything like that before. It hurt so much – my jaw still aches. Then he called me a lot of names – awful names. He used words Mummy told me if she ever heard me use, she'd wash my mouth out with soap for it._

"_I don't know why Daddy hates me. Did I do something wrong? I hope he doesn't hit me again. I'll have to be extra good so that he doesn't._"

Lily flipped a few pages. Her friends were staring at her intensely.

"_May 15,_

"_Daddy was mad at me today. I accidentally got dirt on his brand new suit. He was really mad. He shoved me against the wall. Mummy shouted for him to stop, but then he shoved her too._

"_I don't really know what's made Daddy so angry with us. He's hit Petty, too. Mummy says we deserve it, and we should just be good around him. I still don't understand what I did wrong, but I'm sure Mummy's right._"

She flipped a few more pages. "This is when I was eleven, and back for the summer," she said.

"_I'm scared of Daddy._

"_He's worse than last year – he's always mad at us. We don't even do anything wrong, but he still hits us. Well, Mummy says we are bad. But I don't think I'm any more bad than anyone else._

"_I was so stupid last year – I didn't know that he was drinking beer. I didn't even know that people got drunk. Now I know. Daddy's gets drunk a lot._

"_When I told that to Mummy, she told me not to say such things about my father. And then I suggested to Daddy that he shouldn't drink as much._

"_He got _really _mad. He threw me to the ground and kicked me. Like a dog. Like I was no better than an animal._

"_I feel so bad._"

Lily skipped a lot of pages, and she saw Jacky look at James nervously. James' eyes were fixed on Lily's, and Remus was studying the ground.

"When I was fourteen," she said.

"_August 19,_

"_Daddy hates me. I know he does. He hates me more than anything._

"_He keeps hitting me – why would he do it if he didn't hate me? This morning I broke a glass, and I was shoved into the ground. Then he kicked me again._

"_I don't feel human when he kicks me. I'd rather he do anything than that. It's awful._

"_I feel so alone. My eye is swollen and bruised, and I can't see out of it. He gave me a black eye last week for mouthing off._

"_Maybe he's right. Maybe I do deserve it._"

Lily looked at her friends, trembling. There were tears running down her cheeks. With shaky hands, she opened the book to one more entry.

"_July 10_

"_I hate it when Dad beats me._ _It hurts like crazy._

"_I know I deserve it – he's always telling me that. And anyway, why would he do it if I didn't deserve it? I can't bear to think that he just…hates me._

"_Of course he doesn't hate me. He's my father. I love him._

"_Sometimes, I wonder if I have to say those words just to reassure myself._

"_Yesterday was awful. I don't think he's ever been that angry. And just because I hugged James and Sirius goodbye! I'm such a terrible daughter. He's _told _me not to go around with boys, and what do I do?_

"_I feel unbelievably guilty. I wish I could make it up to him somehow – maybe if I followed his rules better, the beatings would stop._

"_Mum doesn't want him to punish me like this – I can tell. But she can't interfere, or he'd beat _her _worse than me. And I'd never forgive myself._

"_I'm so glad Petunia escaped him last night. That's something she was always good at, hiding from him. Maybe I should ask her to give me lessons._"*

Now, Lily really was crying in earnest. Jacky was letting a few tears slide down her cheeks, and Remus looked horrified. James looked positively _sick_.

Lily raised her tear filled eyes to meet theirs. "Was it my fault?" she asked.

Jacky closed her eyes. "No, Lily," she said, emotion in her voice. "It wasn't your fault."

"My dad has to love me," Lily said brokenly. "He's my dad."

James, who was sitting nearest to Lily, pulled her into a close hug. He felt his own eyes well up with tears, but held them back. How could anyone hurt this girl?

"Lily," Remus said seriously. She turned to him. "Don't blame yourself."

"I can't help it," Lily said, and she began to sob. It was heartbreaking, sitting there and watching her cry.

"Lily, this'll eat you up inside," he said. "Your dad did this because…he has problems, Lils. _He _does. Not you."

"Remus is right, Lily," said Jacky. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But he's my father!" Lily cried out. Then lowering her voice, she said brokenly, "Fathers are supposed to love their daughters."

James managed a slight grin. "I guess he didn't read the rulebook," he said.

"I guess not," said Lily, shaking her head.

"Lily, we love you," said Remus. "If that counts."

Lily gave them a watery smile. "It counts," she said. "It definitely counts."

__

*From Chapter One

***

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author's notes: Read. Review. Step one. Step two. One fish. Two fish. Red fish. Blue fish. Okay, I'll stop now. But PLEASE review – I want feedback! Oh, and thank you for the flame, usuck! I was waiting for one, and it just about made my day. Though, if you had any decency at all, you'd log in, so that I could flame you back properly.

::Sighs:: Some people just don't know how to play the flame game.

Now, if anyone was wondering, I'm going to start allowing approximately two days between chapters. But I won't post a chapter UNLESS I'VE GOT THE NEXT ONE FINISHED! So big gaps shouldn't really happen too often. Thanks for the reviews, everybody!


	7. Of Responses and Hate

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disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Six – Of Responses and Hate

The next morning, Lily awoke in the boys' room. All four of them were on the floor, covered by one large blanket. Lily's head was on top of James' chest, and James was resting his feet on Jacky's back. Jacky and Remus' feet were oddly entangled.

Waking, Lily sat up, causing a chain reaction. James, without anything warm on his chest, woke at once, banging Jacky's back. Jacky groaned and moved her feet, causing Remus to awaken.

And then they heard quite a familiar voice coming from door. "Hallo! I'll just join in then; shall I?"

And before they had quite got their eyes open, they heard, perhaps, the scariest sound imaginable.

Sirius' voice going, "COWABUNGA!"

He jumped into the pile of half-asleep fifteen year olds, squashing all of them. Then there was a collective roar:

"SIRIUS!"

He grinned, sitting up. "Just thought I'd liven the moment," he said cheerfully. Wearily, Remus, James, Jacky, and Lily got themselves untangled and up. Sirius clucked. "Naughty, naughty," he said. "Spending the night with the opposite sex."

They all blushed to the roots of their hair. "It wasn't anything like _that_!" James replied hotly.

"Good," said Sirius grinning. "Because I'm guessing the object of your affections isn't Jacky, which would make it Lily. And then Remus would be with Jacky. And I couldn't lose my Jacky, now could I?" He grinned and patted Jacky's head. She turned a slight pink, and mumbled something about getting dressed. She left, and soon afterwards, Lily went to her own room.

Lily threw on some old clothes – she didn't care what she wore anymore. It didn't really matter, now did it? She made sure she was wearing long sleeves – the cuts on her arms weren't fresh anymore, but they were still there and still bleeding. She knew they weren't a pretty sight.

She was halfway dressed when she remembered she had left her diary in James' room. Tugging on her pants, she hurried to the room, Sirius' fingers on the very book.

"Give that back," she said quietly.

"Now, now, now," Sirius teased. "I want to know what my little Lily has to say in her _diary_."

Lily gulped. "Siri," she said, quietly. "Siri, please…"

"Oh, but look!" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully. He said, in a high falsetto voice, "Dear Diary, I think that boys are so cute. I just want to kiss them."

"Give that back please," said Lily softly.

Sirius grinned, and held it high over her head. "Come get it."

"Please, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head, grinning. "If you can get it, you can have it."

"Sirius, will you just give her the damn book?" asked Remus, who was folding the blanket.

"No." This was said jokingly, but Lily was vulnerable. Her lower lip began to tremble, and tears threatened to spill out. James grabbed the diary from Sirius and handed it to Lily.

"I was just going to have some fun," Sirius protested. Then, as if suddenly seeing how filled with tears Lily's eyes were, he said, "Hey, Lily-Flower, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lily murmured, but her bottom lip was trembling. Then she blurted out, "It seems all I ever do is cry anymore." She ran from the room.

She ran into her room, and locked the door. She threw herself onto her bed and began to cry, the _real _tears she had been aching to let out, but couldn't, because someone was always _there_.

She sobbed, big gulping sobs, into her pillow. "Why?" she cried out. And then she murmured it again. "Why? … Why, why, why?"

And there was no one there to answer. There was no one there to tell her why this had happened to her, whose fault it was.

Nobody had any answers.

Lily was asking all the questions, and she wasn't getting any answers. She hated it. She hated this whole thing.

Burying her head in her pillow, she wished that the earth would swallow her up and leave nothing remaining.

***

****

Lily didn't emerge from her room until lunchtime. Her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, and there was a certain sag in the way she walked – the walk of someone who has given up on life completely, and just takes whatever life will throw at her.

"BONES!" Sirius was screaming at Jacky as she entered the dining room. "ALFRED BONES! That's who you like!"

Jacky was turning redder and redder by the second. "Is not!" she denied.

"Then it's Stuart Zabini."

"EW! He's a _Slytherin_, Sirius!"

"That's right, it's very serious."

Lily thought this a good note to come in on, and cleared her throat. In an instant all eyes were on her.

Sirius asked what everyone had wanted to ask, but felt they mustn't. "Are you done crying?" Jacky hit him.

Lily gave him a sad smile. "I'm never going to be done crying," she said.

She sat down in the seat next to Jacky. "When's Peter getting here?" she asked.

"Tomorrow," said James. "He's coming by Port Key."

"Good," said Sirius. "We need him here."

Lily and Jacky looked at the three boys in confusion. "Why?" they asked in a single voice.

All three of them began to study their shoes and mutter something about suddenly needing to go. Jacky eyed them in suspicion. "_What_, pray tell, are you boys planning?" she asked.

James squirmed under his sister's sharp gaze. "Nothing, Jack," he pleaded.

"Don't call me Jack!" Jacky half yelled. "And fine, don't tell me." She gave them a sinister smile. "But I _will _find out."

James, Remus, and Sirius looked relieved, and James nodded. "Sure you will," he said.

Just then, a smiling Mrs. Potter brought lunch into the room. She winked at them. "I'll leave you all to your own devices," she said. "I'm sure you've got _lots _to talk about."

"Oh, smoked salmon, how _gorgeous_," Jacky exclaimed, helping herself.

"And buttered rolls," Remus added.

"And mashed potatoes!" James cried gleefully.

"And PEAS!" Sirius yelled. They all stared at him strangely. "What?" he defended himself, "I like peas."

The meal was, in truth, a wonderful one, though Lily felt it was a better dinner menu than a lunch menu. Though the Potters didn't eat much at dinnertime – not nearly as much as lunch. She knew they could trace their lineage on Mrs. Potter's side, at least, back to the French, so maybe that was why.

It was a delicious lunch; Lily couldn't have asked for better. But she was wishing…she was wishing she had her mum's home cooking. Her mum's chicken casserole…that was amazing. They hadn't had it often – her father disliked it – but when they did it was like a little piece of heaven had found its way into Lily's mouth.

And right in the midst of lunch, Angel flew in, and dropped a letter on Lily's lap. Jacky looked on with interest.

"Is it from your mum?" she asked.

"You wrote your mum?" asked James.

But Lily wasn't paying attention to either of them as she slowly slid open the envelope. Her eyes gazed over the sheet before reading it – big bold slashes, all capitals. Lily picked out a few words of the letter. "_Disgrace_." "_Positively terrible_." "_Brat_."

And then she began to read.

__

Lily Diana,

  
I thought you were my child, and I thought I raised you right. But obviously _I was wrong._

Lily bit back tears and continued.

__

You're a disgrace to this entire family, little madam. Your father was in the hospital because of you – he tripped while he was trying to follow you and broke his leg! So I hope you're happy!

It is positively terrible _what you've done, Lily Diana. You've brought shame on our family. People are inquiring and work, and Petunia's almost broken up with Vernon over this._

  
Why couldn't you just let these things stay in the family, you little brat?

This is ridiculous. Your father has the right to do what he likes, and you do not _have the right to go cry to your friends about it. He is your father. That is the end._

People are looking at me strangely because of what you did, Lily Diana. Even OUR world, people know. Your father might lose his job!

I would suggest, young lady, that you get your backside back here in the next week, and take whatever punishment your father decides to impose. I would completely stand by him on that.

And if you don't – you will not be welcome in my _home again._

-Rose Evans

P.S. Don't you dare try to bring Petunia and I into this, Lily, don't you dare_! If one more of your Ministry people approaches me asking about your father, I'll make sure you're very sorry._

Lily stared at the letter for a few seconds. And then she burst out into tears, right at the table. Big gulping sobs, and when she felt she'd run out of tears, she found a whole well more.

James had grabbed the letter, and skimmed it. "That bitch!" he exclaimed, fully meaning it.

  
Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius had gone over to Lily, and Remus was rubbing her back. Jacky was frozen, her fork halfway to her mouth, and she didn't move.

"They hate me," Lily moaned. "They _hate _me! Everyone hates me! And it's all my fault!"

***

Lily hadn't moved from her room since she'd run up there in tears hours ago. She'd locked the door, and said she didn't want to talk to anyone.

She was lying.

She _did _want to talk to someone – she _desperately _wanted to talk to her mother. To explain. To be forgiven. "I didn't mean to, Mum," she cried into her pillow.

Her pillow was soaking with all her tears. She had undressed in front of the mirror, and examined herself - every cut, every bruise, every scar. She touched them each, one by one, then bathed them in her tears.

Her black eye still hadn't healed though it was getting better. Her back was still a mess of welts, but they were a dull red, not an angry burning crimson. There were still bruises up and down her legs, and her stomach was still black and blue.

She looked at herself, and she felt sick.

"I deserve this," she told herself. "It's my fault that Mummy's mad. It's my fault Daddy's getting fired."

She ran her hand along one of the scars on her arm, her fingers playing on it lightly.

She screamed in frustration, and then, in anger, began to hurl herself against the wall, screaming every time the wall hit one of her bruises.

Again and again she rammed herself into the wall. Soon there were knocks on the door, and shouts, but Lily's mind was blank to that. The only thing she could think of was punishing herself for the horrible things she had done.

And with one final ram she fell limp to the floor, exhausted and crying. And it was James who broke down the door and carried the half-dressed, limp form of Lily to the bed, and pulled the covers up around her.

***

__

author's notes: Sorry about the short(er) chapter! Just didn't feel like writing very much in this one, I suppose. Bit of a writer's block, I suppose. Don't worry, I think my muses are taking a break. The story will keep coming, but I can't guarantee quality in the next few chapters – tell my muses to come back to me! Thanks for the reviews, and I'm going to be horribly selfish and ask you to review AGAIN!


	8. Kidnapped

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disclaimer: _I am not, do not own, and am not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, and all characters referred to from the Harry Potter book series belong to her. Nor do I have any connection to Warner Bros., Scholastic Publishing, Christopher Little Publishing, and various other publishing houses that have copyrighted Harry Potter and characters._

****

It Never Ends

By Bekken

__

Chapter Seven – Kidnapped

The time until Hogwarts passed slowly for Lily. Peter came, but he, James, Remus, and Sirius spent much of their time holed up in James' room. Jacky tried to draw Lily out of her shell a little, but Lily remained guarded and suspicious.

Lily had developed a whole new outlook on life – that life was terrible, and there was no point in trying to be happy. She did her best getting through every day, telling herself, "One day, I'll be dead."

If Lily were Christian, she supposed she'd have found a church and started praying, and perhaps that would make her feel better. But she wasn't and she didn't.

And she felt like shit.

She knew that her friends were trying – harder than ever. And she didn't realize it but they were slowly but surely helping. The return to herself would be tough, but it was a possibility.

The day after Lily had flung herself into the wall, she and Mrs. Potter had a long talk. Mrs. Potter, it seemed, was afraid of Lily hurting herself. After a two hour talk, and many promises on Lily's part, she was able to retain her room, and feel safe once more.

  
She liked solitude. She never had before – Lily had always loved being with her friends. But now she wanted to be alone all the time, just thinking. When someone talked to her, she gave short, monosyllabic answers, and did not ask questions. She moved through life like a robot.

Lily hadn't attempted to contact her mother again, nor her mother her. The crinkled letter was under her pillow, and she read it daily, and made the ink run with tears. "I'm sorry," she'd whisper to it. "I'm so, so sorry."

And few knew that she cried herself to sleep every night, just wishing it would all be over. She wished that all of this would end.

But deep in her heart, she knew it would never end.

***

The trip to Diagon Alley was planned for that day, Lily knew, as she rose out of bed. Pulling a worn shirt and faded pants from her closet, she sighed. Her robes needed letting out, and she was desperately in need of some parchment, not to mention spell books. But she knew that her mother had no intention of paying, so she resigned herself to going to second-hand shops with what little money she had.

Luke, it seemed, had other ideas. Upon exiting Gringotts, he handed the teenagers each a Galleon "for fun" he said, though James and Jacky protested bitterly ("Dad, there's nothing you can buy with a Galleon!"), and handed James, Jacky, and Lily forty Galleons each. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, of course, had brought their own money.

Lily tried to give the money back to Luke, but he point blank refused. "You're under our care now," he told her. "And it's certainly no financial strain. Have fun."

The six fifteen year olds set off around Diagon Alley, the Mauraders rather terrorizing the rest of the general population. Gradually, they lost people, as more people wanted to stay in different places. James and Sirius refused to budge from Quality Quidditch Supplies, and Jacky was left alone as she gazed at Madam Malkin's new wedding robes in the display window. Remus and Peter were immediately drawn to the joke shop, Zonko's, which announced on a sign in big bold letters that it was moving to Hogsmeade soon. And Lily was left wandering the streets alone.

Having got all her necessary ingredients, and her robes let out, she set off for the bookshop. She had always liked the smell of bookshops, with their clean, new paper and ink.

"_Standard Book of Spells, Grade Five,_" she read off the list that James had copied for her. "_Caring for Creatures in Need, Book Three_…" She wandered around the shop, picking out the books she needed, and adding a few of her own choices to the stack.

Then she heard a voice behind her. A very familiar voice.

She turned to see her father, deep in conversation with the store manager, gesturing wildly. He was drunk, Lily could tell at a glance. She felt the familiar terror gripping her heart.

__

Run, her mind told her. _Run, run, run as far as you can!_

But she couldn't move. Her feet were firmly planted on the ground, and would not budge. She stared with wide eyes at him for a moment.

He was much like she remembered – with the beer belly and all. But there was something different. A glint in his eye. A glint of _anger_.

He turned, and Lily threw herself behind a stack of books. But it was too late. He was walking towards her, slowly, deliberately. She shut her eyes tightly, and prayed.

"Lily!" came the voice of her father, with fake happiness in it. He turned to the storekeeper. "It seems we've found our runaway."

The storekeeper smiled. "It seems so," he said. "Kids these days…"

Mr. Evans gripped Lily's shoulder tightly as they walked out of the store. She trembled under his grip.

"You're coming with me," he said.

***

She was in a cold, dingy room and she didn't know where. She had been blindfolded, and thrown roughly into a truck, she knew that. And now she was here.

The walls were bare, and looked if they had been once painted blue. Now they were a fading sort of gray, and little insects scuttled over the floor.

There was a cot in the corner, and a door to a bathroom which held only a toilet. No toilet tissues, no sink. It was dirtier, even, than the room.

They brought her food and water. If you could call it food. The first time, they had given her a slice of stale bread and a piece of turkey. It made her feel like an animal, battling for the very scraps of their table.

__

Them. Lily didn't know who they were. Sometimes her father came, sometimes he didn't. But _they _were always there. Big bulky men, and a woman who looked like she felt sorry for Lily, but said nothing. She was Oriental, Lily knew, and never spoke to her, no matter how much Lily pleaded.

Sometimes she was beaten, and sometimes she was left alone with her thoughts raging inside her. She had lost count of the days, the weeks, the months. Everything was just an endless continuation.

__

They had a hobby – a game _they_ played. It made Lily feel sick to think about. They'd tie her to a chair, and face it towards them. Then they'd hurl insults at her – terrible words that made Lily want to cry. She'd squeeze her eyes tight to block out their faces, their horrible, horrible faces.

She didn't know what she was here for. She'd asked her father – she'd asked him a thousand times, when he came. He was always very angry. "You're here to learn a lesson," he said, and that was all.

The men…the men scared Lily. They leered at her most unpleasantly, and several of them gazed at her as if she were parading around them seductively. Twice, they'd tried to get near her, but she'd screamed and bit, and kicked so hard that they'd given up.

But she knew it was only a matter of time.

"_I have to get out of here…_" was her last thought before falling into an exhausted sleep each night. She didn't know where she was, and she had the sinking feeling she would die in here, like this.

***

"Did Mummy ask you to do this?" asked Lily one day. Her father grabbed her arm roughly, his fingers leaving bruises.

"Your mother has no fucking thing to do with this!" he half-raged. "She hates you! And so do I!"

Lily bit back tears. "How long to I have to stay here?"

"Until you learn your lesson," her father snarled, shoving her roughly to the ground. He left the room, a cold expression on his face.

"What did I _do_?" Lily asked aloud. "Why is this happening to me?"

__

Because you're a brat, her mind was telling her. _And you deserve all of this, you really do._

I want to be back with James, she thought miserably. _And Jacky, and Remus, and Sirius, and Peter. I want to go to Hogwarts. I'm magical! Why isn't my magic helping me now?_

Lily closed her eyes, and tried to think very hard about Alohomora. With luck, the door would unlock, but nothing happened.

She wrenched at it in terror, wondering how she was ever going to survive this, _if _she was.

Calming down a little, she sat on the cot. And she began to think very hard about James. She'd learned in Divination that you can, if you try hard enough, contact a person through your thoughts. Lily tried this.

__

James, James, I'm in trouble, she thought. _I need help. I don't know where I am, but I haven't run away again._

I miss you.

She sighed quietly. This wasn't going to work. _Nothing _was going to work.

Lily buried her head in her hands and sobbed.

***

"I don't want to go to school," said James sadly, looking at the train that was puffing and steaming.

"I know," said Mrs. Potter. "But you have to. You're better off at school than at home, and nothing can be done here than can't be done there."

"_Why _haven't they found her?" asked Jacky. "It's been two weeks!"

"I know," Mrs. Potter replied. "Our Locating Spells aren't working; she must be out of range."

"What do you think happened?" asked Jacky in a trembling voice.

Mrs. Potter sighed. "I think she ran away," she told them. "The Ministry thinks so too. Even Dumbledore's beginning to think that. She's gone through a terrible shock, and she's done it before."

"No, she hasn't," said James loudly. "She told me…she _promised _me she'd never do anything like that again!"

Mrs. Potter shrugged helplessly. "Maybe she lied, James; I don't know. But she's had some pretty terrible experiences, and it's probable that she'd want to get away from them. And I have to tell you," she said, meeting James and Jacky's gazes. "Children that don't want to be found are the type we usually don't find."

She gathered her children into a hug, which James stepped back from right away. "I'll owl you with news," she said.

James followed Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Jacky into their compartment, but his mind wasn't on them. His mind was on a red haired girl with big, scarily green eyes. A petite red haired girl who had curves in all the right places. A girl who laughed when she was supposed to, and gave as good as she got when she was supposed to. A girl so small in frame that she would fit nicely under his arm. A girl who could curl up with him and make a perfect fit.

A girl whose emotions sparkled in her eyes. A girl who'd always seemed happy before. A girl who cried, now, with the fire gone out of her eyes, and her heart. A girl who he'd seen sob, who he'd seen laugh. A girl who last year had seemed just like a friend, and now…something different.

And as he thought of Lily, his brows furrowed in worry, he had the strangest sensation. As if knowledge was being poured into him and he just suddenly _knew _some things. As if…as if someone was _talking _to him.

"Lily hasn't run away," he said suddenly.

Jacky placed a comforting hand on his arm. "James, you heard what Mum said," she said gently.

"She hasn't," said James. "Her father's taken her. She's in trouble."

"James," Remus began. "We know you miss Lily, but…"

"Don't scare yourself into delusions, mate," Sirius said. "Your mum was probably right."

"_No_!" said James. "She wasn't! I know it!"

Jacky put her hands on her hips. "How?" she asked simply, but a flicker of hope sparkled in her eyes, before immediately disappearing.

"I don't know," he said. "I just sort of…_knew_, just now."

"James, we all want her home," replied Jacky, "but pretending that she hasn't run away isn't going to-"

"Wait!" said James. "Wait, and please listen!" He glared at them. "Remember in Divination-"

"I thought you hated Divination," Sirius butted in.

"I do. But that's not the point," said James hastily. "Do you remember when Professor Marks was telling us about internal communication? I think that's what's just happened. Lily sort of…alerted me."

"'Alerted' you?" asked Sirius doubtfully.

"_ Yes_," said James. "I could _feel _her telling me."

Jacky shook her head. "It's not possible James."

"Anything is possible."

"Not this," said Jacky, sighing. "Oh, James, why can't you just accept it? She ran away. She hates us."

"_No, she doesn't_!" James exclaimed hotly. He stalked out of the compartment to find someone who _would _listen to him.

***

It hadn't worked. No one had magically appeared her, and it hadn't worked.

Lily was almost to the point of tears now. Nothing would get her out of here. Ever. Her father had control forever. And her mother…Lily couldn't even imagine how angry her mother must be at her. She'd probably approve of…_this_.

She heard footsteps in the hall. _They _were coming; she was sure of it. They were coming for another horrible torture session.

She lay flat on her back on the dusty floor, crystal tears streaming down her cheeks. Her hair was matted against her head from perspiration, and her eyes were red. She stretched out, and screamed to the ceiling, "WHY? What did I _do_? Why is it all my fault?"

And she curled up in a ball and dissolved in tears again when _they _walked through the door.

***

Hogwarts wasn't the same, Sirius reflected.

With Lily gone, the halls of the school seemed to echo strangely and emptily without her. His eyes burned with unshed tears. Lily had been one of his best friends since the first day of Hogwarts, and he couldn't believe she was gone.

  
Dumbledore had made an announcement that night – the night of the Welcome Back Feast. He said that Lily Evans had been taken from their midst, and the school was doing all that was possible to find her.

It was downright depressing, Sirius thought. And he was not a depressing type of boy. He could accept it – she'd run away. She didn't want to be with them, with anybody.

James couldn't. Sirius had never felt more sorry for his best friend. He refused to accept in any way that Lily had run away. He even went to see Dumbledore about it, but both times the Headmaster had been busy and unable to see him.

Sirius shook his head. He missed Lily. Even his pranking was going down the tubes without anyone to egg him on. Lily would have. Jacky seemed somewhat disinterested in everything. He missed the old Jacky.

He sighed. Nothing was going the right way.

***

Lily wanted to go home. Well, not home. But Hogwarts. The Potters. Anywhere but here.

It had been bearable at first, but now…now it was just impossible for her. Her eyes ached from trying to stay awake in the dim room, and her head hurt from all the knockings. Her left arm hung at a crazy angle, and she was almost sure it was broken. She was in pain.

__

They didn't come around as often anymore, which meant that her food wasn't coming as often anymore. Sometimes, the woman would come. She would give Lily a sad smile, but not speak. She was kind, brushing Lily's hair away from her face, and helping her to swallow the morsels that she could get past the lump in her throat.

She'd given up on crying. There wasn't any point. She knew she was going to die in here.

To die like this…it had been something Lily had never dreamed of. Death as an old woman, peacefully in her sleep. But now, at fifteen years old, to die in a dingy room from the pain – this was not supposed to be how everything happened.

It seemed a very long time since she had been brought here, she thought. Through the thin walls, she could hear the wind whistling, and thought it must be very cold outside. She judged it was early October, or so.

They must have stopped looking for her by now. Thought she'd run away and never be found, thought she was dead. They couldn't still be looking anymore.

Her father hadn't come for a long time. The last time he had come, he had looked at her with quite a different expression than she had ever seen. It was one of pain. And then, she kept her head bowed as he walked out of the room.

It had been a while since then, and he hadn't returned. Lily wondered if he ever would. Her eyes often shone with unshed tears, and she wished she could just go back home.

__

Why is this happening to me? she thought miserably one day. And that seemed an eternal question. _Why…why…why?_

It didn't seem like that question would ever be answered for her. She resigned herself to death every day, and every day somehow managed to hold on to the scraps of life she retained. But it was only a matter of time. _They _were sucking the life out of her, and they knew it. It wouldn't be long now.

When she was dead…Lily wondered what would happen. Would she be buried properly? Probably not, she thought, for _they _certainly wouldn't take the time to. She would probably just be thrown out into the wilderness somewhere.

Death seemed almost a release for her, something to look forward to. If there was a heaven, she knew it would be better than this. If there was a hell she knew it would still be better than this. If there was reincarnation, every life she might get would be better than hers. And if there was nothing after death, she would be free at last from all her burdens.

Death seemed like a very good thing at that moment.

***

__

Dear Journal,

Jacky wrote.

__

I've never kept a journal before, but that's okay. Lily…Lily always kept a diary. Maybe I should too.

She's gone. I can't believe she's gone. Everything is duller, fainter without her. The trophies in the trophy room, which used to shine so brightly, now look dull to me, for she isn't here to light them up. I don't get angry with James anymore for the stupid pranks he pulls – why bother? Though he doesn't pull so many anymore – I think he is missing Lily too.

  
I don't care much about life anymore. Inside me, there's still a hope that she'll come back one day, but every day that faint shining hope gets smaller and smaller. And soon it will be reduced to nothing, I know. And I will have to truly accept, in my heart, that she is gone forever.

I don't want to do that.

I don't want my best friend to be gone forever.

****

-Jacqueline Potter

***

The woman was coming.

Lily could distinguish her footsteps from _theirs_. Hers were always light, barely touching the floor, like a cat's. She was, in fact, like a cat, sliding out of room sneakily, her feet not making a sound.

__

They…they were loud and cumbersome. _They _lumbered into a room, laughing and joking about everything. They were never quiet.

Lily knew it couldn't be time for her next meal, so she wondered why the woman was coming. Sometimes, the woman came to take care of deadly injuries. She had splinted Lily's broken arm the other day.

But Lily wasn't in anymore pain than usual.

Why was she coming? Lily thought to herself. What was going on?

Maybe they had finally decided to kill her, and the woman was to escort Lily to her own execution. The more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed.

Without her noticing, the woman had glided into the room softly. With a finger to her lips, she helped Lily to her feet, and led her out of the room.

Each step felt like heavy lead was in her shoes – though she wasn't wearing any shoes, they had taken those from her ages ago. _It'll all be over soon_, she consoled herself. _Just hold on for a little bit longer._

The woman's hand was on Lily's shoulder, and she looked more concerned than Lily had ever seen her. Outside the room, Lily could see the house she was in was fairly nice. The hallway was a pastel blue, with paintings covering the walls. The woman didn't speak, nor did she look at Lily. She led Lily through the house, to a little door in what Lily assumed to be the back.

Motioning for her to go through the gate, the woman looked at Lily, a strange expression on her face. Then she said something, in a language Lily could not understand. Then she made the motion of holding a baby.

"Baby?" Lily asked, keeping her voice low. "You had a baby?"

She made a baby sign again, and then pointed at Lily. "You had a baby that's my age?" Lily made out.

The woman nodded, and said something again in that other language. Lily did not understand the words, but she understood the sentiment.

"You loved her," she said quietly. The woman shook her head yes, and there was a sound from inside the house. Fear ran through the woman's eyes, and she pushed Lily outside the gate, and Lily understood she was to _run_, as fast as she could, and not, under any circumstances, to stop.

And run she did.

***

__

NOBODY WILL BELIEVE ME!  


James Potter doodled on his Transfiguration notes.

__

Lily hasn't run away; she's been kidnapped! And nobody will listen _to me!_

He drew a picture of a heart, and filled it in with heavy black ink.

__

I don't understand why no one's listening to me! She spoke to me; she really did! Just because she didn't use words doesn't mean I didn't hear her!

He drew a broomstick and a Quaffle.

__

She's out there, somewhere, wondering why no one is looking for her.

He finished up his drawing by adding the words "Nimbus 1500" to the broom.

__

I can't believe no one cares what I have to say. Well, I'll tell you one thing. If people don't shut up and listen to me, I'll go out and look for her myself.

His quill stopped dead in the middle of the golden Snitch he was drawing.

__

I'll go out and look for her myself, he thought again.

"_Mister_ Potter," came Professor McGonagall's angry voice. "Ten points from Gryffindor! The class has been practicing turning cushions into clocks for over fifteen minutes! Stop that doodling immediately!

__

I'll look for her myself.

***

There was snow.

__

Snow.

How could she be so far North that there was snow in October? Or maybe it wasn't October. Lily wasn't sure.

She didn't remember being in the car for very long – but her memory had failed her so many times that she just couldn't trust it anymore.

There were little white flakes coming down around Lily's head, making her ears turn pink. She huddled tighter under the tree she was hiding under.

__

Why hasn't anyone found me? she thought miserably. _Don't they believe I'm alive? Don't they believe I might be trapped somewhere?_

Why don't they care?

The tree was swishing around her, its pine needles making a soft bed. She huddled under a large tree, shivering.

She wondered, in her heart, if she would ever be found.

__

author's notes: Yay! My first hint of some J/L romance! Loving that. I'm not sure if Lily will reciprocate it for a while – she liked him, but she's had some pretty big changes in her life. I'm not sure if I want her just jumping into a relationship. So probably not. Sorry, guys, you'll have to wait a little while before they can curl up on a common room couch kissing! Other than that, as for Jacky, she does play a role. And a story with Lily having no girl friends is unrealistic, and Arabella Figg cannot be Lily's friend. In canon, she's described as an "old woman" – probably an adult when Lily was in Hogwarts. So yes, I do need OC's, and Jacky is one of more that you will see throughout this story.  


Big apologies for the lateness in this chapter. Chapters will be longer, but less often from now on, as my Internet has been iffy as of late. I'm really _sorry, though._

WOW! Thank you to my reviewers! Over 50 reviews! I can't believe that my little six (now seven) chapter story has gotten so many reviews – and it's not even as good as some others! Anyway, I have a challenge for everyone. Start reviewing all the stories with no reviews. Because I've been there and it's not fun. So even if the person's grammar sucks, and they TyPE lYke THiS, review anyway with constructive criticism.

Wow, aren't I the Good Samaritan today? Now I'm done with this long author's note, so you can go review!


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